What is this force within me that is stronger than my mind, that controls my feeling, that makes my body obey its every demand? I see that it is intertwined with my imagination. It uses my imagination to capture me, to lead me to a state of total fixation on the idea of wanting someone.
It’s more than my body’s need, though I sense it in my body. It's something that has an energy of its own. A pulsation of force, amazingly strong and yet invisible. How much of my life is in service to it, and how much of my life is slavery to it! Is there a way that I benefit from its energy, or is it simply a way for nature to extract the finest energy and substance my body produces for some purpose that I have no conception of when I feel its full force acting on me.
Yes, people are made through sex, but if that was its only purpose, nature would have us breed as the animals do, according to cycles and seasons. No, we have a need for sex. It is our essence. We are always thinking about it. Our attention is taken by the sight of that which we like in someone, and we then crave it. As an animal, we are controlled by this driving need. Even the higher within us is brought to this base level when sex is in the mix.
And all this for a small amount of substance, the final result of all our biological processes, a tiny amount of seed, with an overwhelming control over our being. It’s as if without this drive, nothing in the world would be accomplished.
I realize I know nothing of this great force other than that it uses me, and I have no other choice but to give myself over to its needs. Can I be so taken, and also, at that moment, be fully aware of myself. Can I experience sex force in me without my eyes glazing over and my awakened-ness disappearing into a totality of sensation and feeling? Can I have the will to hold back against this force a bit longer, and retain my presence and attention even as I surrender to its urgent demands?
To do so, would be to be an animal of a different nature, one that I would wish to be, and that my efforts could be directed towards. But freedom from this nature is only possible while in its embrace, as we cannot exist in this world without the body that it controls and reproduces. So, we must embrace each other, and allow sexual exchanges to occur, and give the substance, both material and energetic that are extracted from us in submission to that which directs this. But we can do it with some effort that is active, and not just the reflexive workings of a passive organism. We can do it with full consciousness and awareness of sensation as we experience the sexual forces making use of us for their own purposes, with the knowledge that we are completely part of this same great nature that uses and animates uses us.
Photo by Erik Lucatero on Unsplash
© Copyright 2006 Robert Fertman, All Rights Reserved
All that energy that is within us. It is the result, - it is - because we are programmed to act as we do. We are programmed to live, survive, at whatever cost. Although we try to change this programming -which is the reality in which we live-. Trying to invent another reality. Which we think is more favorable.
Although that is a mistake. Because, by dividing us, by coming into conflict with the reality that we don't like. We generate the very thing that we want to change: disorder, anarchy, confusion. What has generated this society, the world where we live.
So, in flight, there is no solution. It is being with that that we do not like, without…